More 101-y stuff. I apologize. When I want to write about something, I want to write.
When you fuck up, do not say "I'm sorry if what I said/wrote/did offended/hurt you, I apologize."
Say instead, "I'm sorry that what I wrote/said/did hurt/offended you." It is also highly recommended that "I'll do my best not to let it happen again," or "how can I make this right?" be tacked on to the latter.
This shifts the burden off of the person who was offended &/or hurt (for being too sensitive, PC, crazy, whatever) to the offensive &/or hurtful person (for being thoughtless), where it belongs.
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Strongly agree. Just changing one little word makes a big difference in the meaning there. Predicating the apology on whether or not the other person was upset by the action sounds disingenuous. For one thing, it smacks of efforts to make something offensive seem less offense. Like, "Sorry, but I think you're an asshole," or, "You're just being oversensitive. :)" As if the "sorry" or ":)" should disarm the person being spoken to. Besides, one should be sorry for doing something wrong, regardless of how tolerant the other person was of the transgression.
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