Monday, April 13, 2009

The bad and the ugly

There are two women in my life I'm concerned about at the moment.

My younger (step) sister has battled anorexia, bulimia, abusive relationships, and drug addiction since leaving our parents' house at 17 to live with her mother. Why she left, and why she finds herself in the types of situations she has have a lot of messy family business-type reasons behind them, revolving around issues of self-worth, lack of control, and love. I'm out of the loop most of the time with my mother, and informing me of anything almost always seems like an afterthought. So I didn't hear until after it had all happened and no one knew where she had gone that she accused her stepfather of molesting or raping her (my mother could barely get the phrase "sexually abused" out, so I wasn't going to push it).

The cops came and kicked him out of the house, but he was back the next day accusing her of lying, and he and her mother kicked her out. Apparently she broke up with her boyfriend (which is a whole nother kettle of fish I'm not even gonna get into), and no one knows where she is staying or has heard from her. It's things like this that make me wish I was closer to Grand Rapids so that I could give her a safe haven. If you're at all left of the political spectrum and know west michigan, you'd realize how truly fucked up that statement is.

My friend S., who has been passed from emotional abuser to physical abuser and back again continuously since childhood, starting with her mother (who is emotionally disturbed after suffering a closed head injury, but that's no excuse) to her ex-husband to her current and former boyfriends, is starting a relationship that's setting off so many red flags of abuse potential. She's in therapy to work through her deep-seated issues about setting boundaries and coping, and it's a little shocking that this behavior isn't setting off Danger! Danger! signals for her therapist too. Maybe the therapist doesn't know.

Anyway, this guy is completely infatuated, wants to see her all the time, is moving way too fast e.g. telling her he's in love after one weekend, wanting to buy her a ring and get married in a year after 3 weeks... I've talked to her about setting boundaries, as has her therapist. I encourage and am wildly proud of S. when she does set boundaries. I've told her that this guy is sending up massive red flags for me. I don't know what else there is to do, except sit back and idly watch as she descends into another abusive relationship.

There is no good here.

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